This month we’re going to see how an awareness of body language can enhance your love life. But don’t worry, I’m not going to get too slushy. We’re going to take a look at the silent ‘words’ that really do the talking when boy chases girl. I am of course referring to courtship gestures; these tell us so much more than the words exchanged when we sit-up and pay attention. Once again, we must string our observations together to form a reliable insight. Our Bodyspy this month is Emma, and she’s going to use her nonverbal skills to influence the guys too. Now don’t go getting the wrong idea, she’s attractive (and choosy) so guy’s heads are going to turn!
We catch up with Emma in her room while getting ready for a night out at Colonel Steamy’s, a local nightclub in her home town. As she puts on her eye liner, she reflects on the shy person she used to be. Sometimes she still is. This was before she’d overheard two guys talking about ‘trapping’ in the Old Trumpet and Thump It. (Her friend Sue always did seem to pick the bum pubs…) They were discussing how women stroked or flicked back their hair, and that their knees/feet often pointed to the men they liked the look of. Hmmm… ‘Body language,’ Emma had thought. This set her thinking; she had some research to do. This was a tough task: she couldn’t find a book that would give it to her straight. So she read many in quick succession. (What a shame those libraries never stocked Bodyspy.) Anyway, her book worming boosted her confidence – she knew what was ticking away in those men’s minds now…
The nightclub had sprung to life pretty damn quick – Emma and Sue were standing by the dance floor. Strobe lights pulsated from above onto a crowed of bodies; their limbs moving in time to the music like robots in a Ford factory. A merging row of men propped up the bar near by, keeping the maids company as they pumped beer into one glass after another. It was from this drink sloshing line up that Emma had noticed a man eye her up and down. Now he looked to be approaching her.
He’d given her an intimate gaze that blew the gaff wide open. His body had been positioned to form a pointer to her as he leaned against the bar. A territorial pose with legs slightly open forcing his crutch to bulge. His hands formed central indicators as he casually tucked both thumbs into his trouser pockets. His mesmerised mind wrenched itself back to reality having realised Emma had seen him; his head spun back to his mate. ‘Not very subtle!’ mused Emma.
“Hi ya’,” he uttered – in Emma’s direction – as he stopped walking. The three of them stood in an open triangle formation. “Hello!” Emma retorted. “Do you come ‘ere often then?” he was saying as Emma tried not to scowl (or laugh). Emma’s mind whizzed round like a cyclone. She decided to be polite whilst thinking of a way out; she made conversation back. His conversation soon progressed to the ‘importance’ of his job and the fact that he drove a silver Porsche. ‘An ego tripper’ mused Emma… ‘these guys can be sods to get rid of’. His body language matched her observation; legs slightly apart as before, his hands were now inside his trouser pockets with thumbs protruding from the tops.
Emma’s mind raced to find a way to shift him. She decided to use a mixture of body language and talk.
“Sorry?” he answered.
“You owing a Porsche, Sue’s boyfriend has one too!”
Emma turned her body so it pointed directly at Sue. Sue gulped back, then realised Emma’s ploy. She shifted her position to match. “Yeah, but I prefer your boyfriend’s Ferrari!” Sue answered. The three now continued to talk; Emma and Sue turned only their heads to talk to him – he was being excluded from the group. He began to feel rejected as his mind struggled for conversation. Finally, he sloped off with tail between legs. “You’re learning the ‘nonverbals’ quick.” complimented Emma to Sue.
It was latter now; the nightclub was packed tight. The music blasted out from a speaker nearby. The evening had spanned through a mishmash of Rap, Dance and a few chart hits thrown in for good measure. Suddenly Emma saw a man approaching from the direction of the entrance. He was good looking and well dressed; she estimated him to be in his mid twenties. He was about to walk past them when Emma shone a smile in his direction. She kept looking straight ahead without shifting her focus. He returned the smile and casually came to a halt inside the girl’s personal spheres.
“Hello,” he said to both girls. Emma and Sue returned the greeting; both looked surprised that he had stopped right in front of them. He smiled and said, “I’ve never been here before and I’m on my own.”
“You came here by yourself?” asked Emma.
“Yes, I’m here for a week on company business. I didn’t feel like staying in my room alone tonight, so here I am!”
“Oh, what do you then?”
“I’m a sales rep for Mr. Big’s Rubbers Plc,” he said with a smile. The girls giggled.
“Really I am – I’m here for a four day seminar on our new Hot ‘n’ Spicy condoms.” Both Emma and Sue struggled to keep a straight face.
“What’s your name?” Emma asked, not knowing whether to believe him or not.
As he continued Emma decided to put him under the microscope and analyse his body language – that never tells porkies.
Richard was standing straight with one hand embracing a pint of lager, the other was placed in his pocket; no thumbs protruded. His left foot was twisted slightly, pointing towards Emma; the other was straight. This is no good, Emma thought, I need to get his hands free to stimulate his body language. To the left there was an empty seat against the wall, Emma gestured towards it, “Lets sit down,” she said. Sue excused herself and wondered off in the direction of the bar, Emma and Richard sat down. His arms now rested open on the table; he wasn’t defensive. A quick glance towards the floor added impact to his open posture when Emma saw his legs remained uncrossed.
“So tell me more about your work?” said Emma, watching for his posture to become closed and defensive. It didn’t. Instead, Richard began to explain how he’d recently visited the local manufacturing centre and watched the new range being put through the quality tests. He used open palm gestures as he explained how thorough the quality tests were. Hmmm… looks like he’s being straight with me Emma mused. The depth of his conversation further supported her observation.
“I had no idea condom manufacturing was so interesting,” Emma said while leaning forward to show her cleavage. She was becoming more interested in Richard than the gist of the conversation. She’d decided to use her body language to stimulate him further. Emma flashed the smooth skin of her wrists in Richard’s direction as she spoke. Occasionally she ran one hand through her long brown hair; anything more will give the game away thought Emma.
Richard was warming to Emma’s flirting and began to preen from time to time. No doubt about it, she’d succeeded in grabbing his attention alright. His pupils were large – larger than before – and angled into an intimate gaze, which she returned. Just then Sue came walking towards them with a man trailing on the end of her arm. She lent over close to Emma and said, “You remember Justin from high school don’t you?”
Emma looked closely. “Yeah, I remember, how ya’ doing Justin?”
“This is Richard – we’ve just met tonight.”
Justin extended his hand to shake – Emma noted the palm was face down towards the ground. Richard stood to shake hands. He took his hand and stepped forward with the left foot. Then brought his right foot across into Justin’s intimate sphere and twisted his hand straight before shaking it. Neat, thought Emma. Justin wasn’t so impressed – more disconcerted Emma thought – as he withdrew his hand after a few pumps and stepped back to maintain his personal space. The four continued to talk for a short while. A moments silence followed…
“I’m going to the bar to get a refill,” Justin said.
“Are you coming Sue?”
“OK – see you two’ latter…”
“That was a neat trick you pulled on Justin,” Emma exclaimed.
“How do you mean?” Richard said trying to play it down.
“How you managed to tackle his dominant handshake without being obvious, that’s not easy you know.
“Yes, don’t play dumb with me Richard!”
“OK, I’ve been studying body language, but I like to keep quiet about it ’cause it makes some people uneasy.”
“I know,” said Emma, “I keep shtum too.”
“So I take it the leaning forward an’ flashing of your wrists was an attempt to bait me then?”
“Yeah.” Emma said with a giggle. “It worked too – didn’t it?”
“Yeah it did.” said Richard with a smile. They both laughed.
“About those new rubbers – do you think we should…??”